3. SKINNY GIRL ON BACKPAGECOM - February 2015 The strippers never guess my friend Luke is depraved. He is a sex addict. He looks like a Christian guy with a wife and an IT job, who would be offended if someone came up and offered him a threesome. Instead they come up to me and offer the threesome, thinking I am the free spirit. But I am the one who actually does find it distasteful. I have brought home and dated a dozen strippers. And then I throw all their stuff in the street, when I find out they are talking to other guys. One even got the manager at Club Madonna to let me do my work inside the club, in hopes that she could make it through the shift without her stuff being in the street when she got home. Poor Luke is not even jealous. A girl could screw 10 guys in his house and he would say “What's for dinner?” But the strippers don’t talk to him, so they never find out. So hapless Luke would sit at home and get beat up by the serial relationship failures on the dating sites, who run home and cry in the mirror “Oh my God, I am short, I am am fat, I am ugly and I will never attract a brain surgeon my same age” when they see ketchup spilled in his kitchen. And meanwhile I am staring at the hooker sites all day, trying to catch my neighbors posting hooker ads. I was flipping through thousands of pictures of escorts, with zero chance that I would even pick up the phone and call one. Luke's solution was to meet girls in Asia and Africa on facebook, and then fly half way around the planet to have sex with them. I said spend the same money on a BMW, and you will get girls right here in Miami. He said “When I fly to Asia, I am the BMW.” He is 6 foot and blonde, and ticks every box an American girl puts in her search on the dating sites. So he was able to meet dozens of girls who aim way too high, and who all ran the other way after the first date. Or when their best friends don’t think his car is the right color, or his jokes aren’t funny or something. It makes it tough for a compulsive sex addict like Luke, whose self-esteem is tied to three random girls a week being willing to have sex with him. But he would not talk to the girls on the hooker sites. I said there are all kinds of girls on the hooker pages. There are girls who just got dumped and are in a weird mood. There are schizophrenic college girls, who will post one time and get arrested in a police sting on the very first phone call so their fathers have to come pick them up at the police station, like your good friend Rachel. There are girls who think they could have sex with a stranger, but when that phone actually rings they start asking “What do you do for a living, how tall are you, can you send me a picture?” There are 500 girls on Miami backpage, with new girls coming and leaving every day. Some of them only post one time. I am sure there is someone on there who loves to kiss and would never have sex with a stranger. What the girls on the hooker sites all have in common is they are free spirits. They are not uptight like the girls on the dating sites. They will ride on your boat with you in the rain, and bring home weird drugs that you may even be willing to try once. And you won’t have to fly to Ethiopia, to fmd a girl whose 10 best friends all approve of you. One day I was surprised to see one or two of the 500 girls on Miami backpage were not disgusting, and were actually pretty. It was February, the peak of tourist and billionaire snowbird season, when all the hookers and traff1ckers come to Miami to meet them. So I sent Luke some pictures. Here is a nerdy girl with a long nose like you like. Here is a girl with a picture of a bong who says she is 420 friendly. She looks like a regular college girl trying to meet new people, or pay the rent or something. You say backpage girls are too curvy and that is not your type? Here is a skinny one using some kind of exercise machine. I said “I will pay to have sex with one of these girls myself, just to prove they are normal and save you flying the whole way to Ethiopia.” The thought of actually doing it made me want to puke. But I sent Luke all their ad links on Skype. He didn't even answer my Skype messages. I knew he was thinking the ads are fake, the pictures aren’t real, the skinny blonde girl her face is intentionally cut off in the picture and you can’t even see. She is probably ugly or has one eye or something. I was thinking no, her face is cut off because she is a normal person who does not want her friends to see her on a hooker site. But it was a little lame to tell him to call a girl whose face he can't see. It fell short of my standards of good-faith arguing. So just to make my argument rock solid, so there was no way Luke could fmd a reason to resist my advice, I called the I-7